Slices Of Life, Murphy's Law, Fate and Hope

I never had a slice of bread,

Particularly large and wide,

That did not fall upon the floor,

And always on the buttered side.

If Nature were intuitive it would be a gloomy overcast day. Ironically after pouring cats and dogs in close succession, today dawned bright, clear and sunny. The only gloomy thing in the radius of 5 kms is yours truly.Urgh! Even the weather is making a mockery of my misery....yet in Bollywood big-banner big-budget multi-starrers the weather always reflects the mood of the hero/heroine as the case maybe....which goes to show that real life is a world apart from the reel life. (So what else is new?!)

Was having a perfectly happy week.....in fact so happy a week that deep down I was afraid to say that alound in case i jinxed it. Well something did go wrong. Blew up in my face, blasting me to kingdom come. I'll spare you the nitty gritties....its boring anyway. The bottom line is Murphy's Law is terrifyingly accurate: "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

Which made me brood on a whole range of experiences from chilhood to adulthood. And I've come up with my own version of a Law Of Life : "Slices of Life : The Tasty Bits are wafer thin...The Bitter Ones come as generous helpings".

Just when you begin to lower your defences and get lulled into a false sense of security..then BAM! you get hit on the head with a club (metaphorically speaking)

Just when you think you are finally making progress then BAM! you find that you've just made a head-on collision with a blank wall.

Just when you think you are finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel then BAM! you realize that tunnel has given way to a bottom-less chasm.

So what's the way forward? Chronic Pessimism of the Murphy's Law kind? Do you kill the little optimistic fool within you called Hope who talks in a soprano voice and wears a frilly, gauzy pink dress? Hope can be pretty irritating especially when Fate her evil twin(who is stronger, fiestier and wears Army fatigues by the way) gets better of her all the time! Whenever Fate scores Hope comes up with cheery, sugary words....apparently to fortify us against the machinations of Fate, but annoying nevertheless.

Hope's annoying sure. But still I have a spot for the little old fool. So have you. So has the entire humanity. We all hope. It echoes strongly from the Obama slogan (Yes! We Can) to Aung San Suu Kyi's bid for democracy in Myanmar. That's perhaps why Fate despite being aggressive and combative has not been able to terminate Hope altogether. Not yet. Not ever. Hopefully.

Feeling better already. Hope just crooned a cheesy song about "how its gonna get better..." in my ears. I can't help but smile......:)

The Nonsense Factory

"The year 5050:

Apes have taken over the planet....and they are doing a better job of looking after the earth and their fellow-beings than man ever did.

Today there is a man in every ape household . Man has some good qualities, agreed all the wisest apes, although he talked too much. For one thing he too had opposable thumbs and for another he was better house-trained than the dog with the best pedigree; besides dog food was prohibitively expensive.

Man reminded the apes of the end of history , end of the age of the Homo Sapien. One man very diligently made a theory of evolution but forgot to take into account role of serendipity. In the evolutionary sprint Apes finally out-paced Man by the year 3090. "

"Urgh!That simply isn't nonsensical enough. The way we are going on about our daily job of trashing the earth it would be just a matter of years not centuries before apes or for that matter ants take over this planet. You really must turn in top-notch absurdity if you want to continue as our Nonsense correspondent", said the Editor, frowning slightly.

"I'm running out of ideas....you know it is a tough time of the year....what with the elections coming up and all. Our readers are weaned away by politicians who churn out nonsense round the clock. Even our most loyal readers have commented that our Netas are getting better at the Nonsensical game than us!," said the beleagured correspondent.

"Hmm...thats one grim situation" noted the editor.

" Maybe we should get the Election Commission to make speaking nonsense a violation of the Model code of conduct. It would never do if the netas themselves take the jobs away from the thousands who work for the Nonsense Factory." said the despondent correspondent.

" The EC would have a tough job sifting sense and nonsense. So that would definitely not be included in the Model Code of conduct." said the editor, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

"Well then we've run out of options. We have a tough enough job surviving competition from the other nonsense dailies masquerading as mainstream newspapers!"

The correspondent flipped through a prominent English daily which had its front page dedicated to a well-known catfight in B-town accompanied by exclusive photo scoops. The centre page was about India's most famous family fued (other than the Mahabharata). The sports page carried the interview of a world-class cricketer (prone to vitriolic temper tantrums) talking about his favourite colour, his new imported sports car, his girlfriend(s). And the back page featured a glossy ad of a Deemed University which appeared to be offering courses on every available subject on planet earth.

And that was not all. This overdose of nonsense was seizing all facets of mass media. Television channels, FM Radio, Internet, Movies.....the innocent bystander was constantly being bombarded with baloney from all possible sources.

It was obvious. The Nonsense Factory was in dire straits. Filing for bankruptcy seemed to be just a few editions away. Something needs to be done. Immediately.

******

Two weeks later:

At the board meeting of the directors and the senior staff of the Nonsense Factory the Editor finally aired the good news:

"Friends, I'm happy to inform you all that the Nonsense Factory has successfully tided over the financial crisis brought on by a drop in circulation. The government has granted unequivocal support to our request for a corporate bailout programme. As a gesture of our gratitude and goodwill we will be doing an exclusive coverage of the election campaign of our Neta's party. I also make use of this opportunity to welcome aboard our dear Neta who has graciously accepted our request to join the Nonsense Factory as Guest Columnist. Our share price listings have gone up by several points on the BSE when it was announced at the press meeting yesterday that our pages are going to be enriched by the witticisms and pearls of wisdom of our Neta. The future looks rosy my friends..."

A storm of applause.

Nonsense Reloaded

Every person needs a vent......a nonsense vent.....being sensible round the clock is something of an unsurmoutable task for ordinary mortals.....and i'm by far the most ordinary mortal ever ....always on the look out for the nonsense vent!
Everybody keep their nonsense radar handy...some are more attuned to their nonsensical selves than their real selves and i happen to belong to that elite group...hehee....
We do it in different ways...shutting out the world completely, not to ponder the mysteries in life but to keep in touch with our baser instincts....nothing transcendental about it....thats why despite all our professed contempt for slapstick humour we laugh alound at tawdry jokes on t.v when we know that no one's watching.....
To get away from the real world uglies we watch cartoons by the dozen...happy magical cartoon lands where everybody lives happily ever after....ah! pure undiluted bliss.