The Nonsense Factory

"The year 5050:

Apes have taken over the planet....and they are doing a better job of looking after the earth and their fellow-beings than man ever did.

Today there is a man in every ape household . Man has some good qualities, agreed all the wisest apes, although he talked too much. For one thing he too had opposable thumbs and for another he was better house-trained than the dog with the best pedigree; besides dog food was prohibitively expensive.

Man reminded the apes of the end of history , end of the age of the Homo Sapien. One man very diligently made a theory of evolution but forgot to take into account role of serendipity. In the evolutionary sprint Apes finally out-paced Man by the year 3090. "

"Urgh!That simply isn't nonsensical enough. The way we are going on about our daily job of trashing the earth it would be just a matter of years not centuries before apes or for that matter ants take over this planet. You really must turn in top-notch absurdity if you want to continue as our Nonsense correspondent", said the Editor, frowning slightly.

"I'm running out of ideas....you know it is a tough time of the year....what with the elections coming up and all. Our readers are weaned away by politicians who churn out nonsense round the clock. Even our most loyal readers have commented that our Netas are getting better at the Nonsensical game than us!," said the beleagured correspondent.

"Hmm...thats one grim situation" noted the editor.

" Maybe we should get the Election Commission to make speaking nonsense a violation of the Model code of conduct. It would never do if the netas themselves take the jobs away from the thousands who work for the Nonsense Factory." said the despondent correspondent.

" The EC would have a tough job sifting sense and nonsense. So that would definitely not be included in the Model Code of conduct." said the editor, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

"Well then we've run out of options. We have a tough enough job surviving competition from the other nonsense dailies masquerading as mainstream newspapers!"

The correspondent flipped through a prominent English daily which had its front page dedicated to a well-known catfight in B-town accompanied by exclusive photo scoops. The centre page was about India's most famous family fued (other than the Mahabharata). The sports page carried the interview of a world-class cricketer (prone to vitriolic temper tantrums) talking about his favourite colour, his new imported sports car, his girlfriend(s). And the back page featured a glossy ad of a Deemed University which appeared to be offering courses on every available subject on planet earth.

And that was not all. This overdose of nonsense was seizing all facets of mass media. Television channels, FM Radio, Internet, Movies.....the innocent bystander was constantly being bombarded with baloney from all possible sources.

It was obvious. The Nonsense Factory was in dire straits. Filing for bankruptcy seemed to be just a few editions away. Something needs to be done. Immediately.

******

Two weeks later:

At the board meeting of the directors and the senior staff of the Nonsense Factory the Editor finally aired the good news:

"Friends, I'm happy to inform you all that the Nonsense Factory has successfully tided over the financial crisis brought on by a drop in circulation. The government has granted unequivocal support to our request for a corporate bailout programme. As a gesture of our gratitude and goodwill we will be doing an exclusive coverage of the election campaign of our Neta's party. I also make use of this opportunity to welcome aboard our dear Neta who has graciously accepted our request to join the Nonsense Factory as Guest Columnist. Our share price listings have gone up by several points on the BSE when it was announced at the press meeting yesterday that our pages are going to be enriched by the witticisms and pearls of wisdom of our Neta. The future looks rosy my friends..."

A storm of applause.